a talk and a chance
thankyou all so much for your advice etc I so needed that support and im very appreciative.
I did a lot of thinking and I decided that yes I was going to give my AH a chance. I married him and those vows meant that I would try as hard as I can to make it work.... to be there in sickness and in health etc. I wasn't blind going in. I knew he had issues but then so do I. Admittedly my issues arent as potentially life destroying (not alcohol/drugs/gambling for a start) as his are right now but I owe it to him and to our daughter to give him this last chance. Im too stubborn to walk away when I know he has the potential to change. yes I know he is on a very slippery slope but luckily he isnt all the way down it.... yet.
Im a realist and I know this chance may not work (admittedly the odds are low) but I have to do this for all of us. My daughter deserves to have a healthy loving dad in her life and so I am going to try for her sake this one last time. I pretty much have come to the conclusion that yes the time frame I was thinking of was too long. so things have to start to change NOW... he has a year to prove to me that he can do this.... that he can be a resposible sober healthy father and husband.
I sat him down when our daughter was asleep and i told him this. He listened and was sorrowful over how bad everything has got. he also admitted that he is scared for himself and that he doesnt know if he can escape his addictions. I believe he has the strength to do it as he is one of the most stubborn people (if not the most stubborn person) I have ever met. I know that if he used that grit and determination to fight this then he will succeed and I told him that.
But it is down to him so all I can do is keep my fingers firmly crossed. He has to make that descision to fight it and to not drink/gamble. only time will tell.
I do know that if no effort is being made or there arent any visible positive changes by 6 months then I will probably go. I can't stay and put my daughter through this rollercoaster forever.
However today I have hope that something may happen... that God, fate or destiny will help us out...
thanx again for all your postings as I have gained so much from reading about everyone else's experiences.
x M