UPDATE: At 15:57 CDT, 124 Oxycodone tablets met an untimely demise. Following a substantial fall from their cylindrical housing, all plunged into 65 degree water and were helplessly pulled under the surface by a tremendous vortex that suddenly appeared. All are presumed hopelessly lost. A report of a person pushing a chrome handle just prior to the appearance of the vortex in the water has been received. This person can be identified by the smirk of satisfaction on his face. END