My husband needs to do it on his own
We talked again last night and he told me that he's so tired and really wants to quit. I told him, you'll quit when you quit. When you're ready and I realized that as soon as I stop fighting him, he has to fight himself. So yes I'm setting myself up away from the insanity and really looking to gain some peace of mind. I now I can't control him and in a way, its sort of freeing knowing that. I'm not making any permanent decisions, just the decision to stay away from it and be healthy as I can for my children. I hope I can do it - keep my strength.
Thanks to all, its incredible how much this on-line support has helped me already.