I once had a dream that my was standing in my room, during the middle of the night, and said to me…Mom, I’m sorry, I’ve relapsed…
The dream was so real that when I sat up and looked around I did not know where my son had gone, he had been there just a moment before, and then I realized it was…..just a dream, a very vivid dream.
Relapse is the dreaded word, if I think about it too much I feel like I swallowed a brick.
That does not feel good. I don’t think about it too much anymore.
I can’t imagine, wishing for a mother to hear those words from their child, or to wish for someone fighting their addiction to fail. I can’t imagine wishing such a thing, I just can’t.
Barbdee, as difficult as this is, don’t lose sight that your son is reaching out for recovery. I know a LOT of people that have 5, 10, 15, 20 years clean and sober. I don’t know one of them that did not relapse first.
My own son relapsed several times, all quickly and then he relapsed at around nine months. That was difficult for me, as I’m sure it is for you right now. Yet, it’s, I think, all part of recovery. That he is calling, asking, reaching for help indicates to me that he will one day reach his goals.
My own son will be three years clean in Feb. I can’t promise that he will never ever relapse again. I hope he will not, I pray he will not, but in my heart, from day one, I have always believed he will win. I just believe. Don’t be afraid to believe Barbadee, no matter what don’t be afraid of that.
I wish the best for you and your son.
Hugs from one mom to another
Sigh
PS
I have a question, when someone wins a Nobel Peace Prize or is outstanding in some way why don’t they have their mother’s right up there on stage and say, thanks to you, you created a Nobel Peace Prize Winner all by yourself! We’re going to give half this check to you and half to your mother! No, they don’t do that, do they? They say the Nobel Peace Prize winner did the work and he/she alone deserves the award..so if our children mess up, make mistakes and suffer consequences when then are we/parents held up as responsible by society? (You know they do just that.)
I no longer care about how closed minded people think, perhaps I never did.
I love my son very much, I would not trade him for any other. I’m proud of him. I am also aware I am not responsible for his success or his failures. I’m just his mom.