hold on!
Hi Octoman. Please "hold on"!!! And "breathe".................
You do not ~ repeat...do not...have to think in the forever...just the now.
One day...one moment at a time.
I know the other day I had a case of the crazies over something upsetting...my head was whirring, I think I had a "cast of thousands" whispering "stinkin' thinkin'" to me ~ as they say, I felt shaky, +++ anxious and the thought [just a thought...brief...but there] crept into the dark recesses of my mind. I talked to a couple of friends and rationalized the moment for what it was really worth. I made myself "think the drink"...and you know...before I knew it ~ I was able to see that the issue was "not" worth it and not that insurmountable.
For all the grief that alcohol has given me...to list a few...sickness, loss of self...black outs, health problems and deathly remorse...nothing was worth going back to that place.
You can do this.
Continue to reach out to others/your HP, connect with AA [a sponsor, fellow members or 24-hr. AA phone line], recovery reading, journal, prayer, meditation, continue to express your feelings & ask for help, exercise, try to do something fun, make sure you eat well and try to sleep well...balance/structure.
And breathe....
Remember what it was like for you and those you loved when you drank...you deserve so much better. You deserve to be well and happy.
Hang on! You are not alone and do not have to do this alone.