wylielass

By day, I'm a mild mannered corporate geek. By night, I'm a part-time musician on the pub/club circuit. I also design websites and print ads for bands, bars & special events, and have to frequently be onsite to make sure the right photos are taken, etc.

Soooo... see the problem?

I'm doing some serious soul-searching here. I'd like to think I'm strong, and that I can stay sober while operating in bars and clubs as per usual. My saner voice is shouting "Are you out of your FREAKING MIND?????"

I never realized that when I quit drinking, I might just have to redesign my whole life. Wow.

The other thing that's tough is that my whole perspective has changed. I look at the pub "regulars", and I don't see the friendly party crowd I used to see. Now I see I lot of people who have drinking problems of their own. I don't mean this in a judgmental way. I'm not trying to work someone else's program, or ignore my own problems. I just mean that the rose-colored glasses are off, and instead of a nonstop party I see the serious downside of alcohol. The "big dog" who has had his second heart attack. The barfly who gets so drunk that she walks home on dangerous streets, or leaves with a man she barely knows. On and on. Not that everyone in a bar is an alcoholic. But most of the "regular crew" at these places have at least had some serious alcohol-related issues, be it health, legal, romantic, etc.

My job has always been to promote the happy camradarie of the bar scene. To crack jokes about drunken nights from stage during my performances, or to snap pictures of the happy partiers for the club's website for my freelance design gig. Now I just see the dark side, and it's making it hard - if not impossible - for me to do my job. Roll into that the precarious state of my own sobriety, and I think I may be in for a major life change.

Hmmm.

Brenda