Sad--
For me, Al-anon meetings have been a lifesaver. The literature has soothed my mind when I've felt like I was ready to go off the deep end. The focus AWAY from the ALO and onto how unmanageable OUR lives are is really a wake up call. Alcoholism and Addiction are truly family diseases and they infect all those involved to various degrees. When I feel like I may need to be shipped to the loony bin I just try to get to a meeting -- just being in that presence of others who understand calms me. THe lies, the betrayals, the crushed hopes and exhaustion are so damaging and left me bitter and weak.
So sorry you're dealing with this pain.