I know the feeling you are talking about. How the worry consumes you. i was so wrapped up in my son's and my husband's problems that I came to the point where I didn't think I could cope with day to day living. I would call in sick because I was up the whole night. I couldn't eat or sleep sometimes. I always had that sick lump in my stomach. I guess I always thought that since I was the "Sane One" that it was my job to help them. Were they doing what they were supposed to be doing? Will it work this time? Why aren't they listening to me!!! Now I am finding out that I am pretty messed up and crazy too!
But I can do something about that! I can't fix them or even help them find their recovery, but I can help me! Which is pretty empowering! It is so different now. I'm not completely free from worry and stress, (working on it!) But I am finding such peace in my program.
For someone who wants control in all sitations, I had finally gotten so crazy with it that Letting it Go was such a relief.
So good luck to you. And like the others have said, his problem is his. Al-Anon and Nar-anon have helped me tremendously.( Even when I lose my way sometimes.) And you don't have to tell anyone you don't want to.