Hi Tony,
There are a lot of books out there you may find useful. "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is excellent. I just started reading "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, which seems like it will be pretty helpful. I try to find books that offer exercises or journaling, so I can feel that I'm actively working on making changes and getting better.
You should also look for al-anon or CoDA meetings in your area.
Another thing I think a lot of us ACOAs do is to isolate ourselves, which I think adds to our depression - it certainly doesn't help. Are there any activities you enjoy? Try getting out and getting involved in something that will let you meet people. I think life is much better all around, in spite of the demons we live with daily, if we can find people to share our lives with. And I don't mean love relationships. I mean making new friends or connecting and bonding with others who share common goals or interests and remind us that we aren't alone in this world.
Hope this helps.
