((((SoTired)))
My heart goes out to you.
Sigh.
Yes, you are in a very tough situation. I am sorry. Most of here have seen what you are seeing to one degree or another. My AH would lay in bed for days drinking. And would become verbally abusive and just plain scary. I would look in his eyes, and it was if an alien had stolen the man I once knew...the man looking back at me was someone I did not recognize. He would wake up, grunt, puke, and go right back to it. I would beg and beg for him to let me help him get help. He refused. Until one day he agreed after a set up an intervention with his doctor. I drove him to the detox facility, and he promptly checked himself out two days later to start drinking again.
He is still at it.
I left him last January.
Like the others have already mentioned, there is nothing we can do. We can offer help, but after that, they are the ones who will have to get their sh*t together.
When I first came to SR someone told me the "3Cs" and they helped me a lot. So here they are:
You didn't cause it
You can't cure it
and you can't control it