Originally Posted by
51anna 
I felt exactly the same and the only way out is to take a step outside of the cycle. Throw away any alcohol in the house. Go home via a different route. Plan to be doing something different in the evening, like going for a long walk. Make the changes you need to make and you can do this. Keep reading and posting.
Thank you 51, sensible advice as per usual.
I appreciate what you're doing here, it's worthwhile and encouraging.
But I'm now in a void that I have created, by my own fashioning, ten thousand times and every time it gets darker and more irresistable.
God knows what next.