Good Morning, All.
Cinder, I know that every time we would go through a bad spell and he would land in jail or rehab, I would always just feel exhausted, empty and drained (yeah, I guess that was numbness, Dakota!) We live with SO much drama, and when it stopped....even for a little while....I would feel nothing but relief. It was the time after that, while calm settled back in my house, while I was living like a normal person that hope would start to creep back in.....and that is what always got me in trouble. He even knew it. His theme song was "leave her alone and she'll get over it." And I always did. Hope always came back. It was as if my b*llsh*t meter needed constant use or the batteries would wear down......
After a year of living without a single emotional explosion, I gotta tell ya, I never want to go back to who I was......I will always love my XAH, but now I can love me.
Sadness, you used to post about emotional explosions. Does that still happen to you or has the drama morphed into chronic sadness? (All are stages of healing!)
Ray, I know you have apprehensions about your AH coming home and how the family will all blend together again. Try not to project....(so easy to say and so hard to do!) I am sure that there will be a period of walking on eggshells until you see how it is going to play out.....but there really isn't much you can do until he gets there. You can't rebuild his relationship with the kids, HE has to do it. You are going to be okay, Ray. Try not to look forward or back.....
Dakota, it is so good to hear from you. What is D/A training? (District Attorney? Digital/Analog? Devil/Angel?) You sound like life is moving forward and your old life doesn't intrude as often. We often look at you as the success story that proves that addicts can get better. We all hope that our own addicts will follow the path you have chosen.
Kitty, his son doesn't mean "nothing" to him. Addicts can't love anything past their next fix. He loves his son as much as he is able to love anything. Just be grateful for the calm in your life before he shows up the next time.....which they always seem to do!
Rainbow, sounds like you have the right idea. There isn't much you can do. Focus on yourself and your life and your joys.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
((Hugs))
Babs