Gail,
I am sorry you are feeling this way. I believe that it is part of recovery to face things we have been avoiding.
Do you remember a little while back when I told you that I finally told my mother about my sexual abuse. I had thought that I was protecting her by not telling her. Yet after I did finally tell her she understood me so much more. I waited 20 years with that eating away at me, Afraid of the outcome. It was not as bad as I made it in my mind.
(The following is from "Days of Healing - Days of Joy"
Daily Meditations for Adult Children
By Ernie Larson & Carol Larson Hegerty)
"I am an old man and I have known many troubles, but most of them never happened" - Mark Twain
"" Imagination is wonderful if we don't use it against ourselves. Like fire it is a great power capable of either warming and giving life or burning and destroying everything it touches. Consider how often we create problems that never come to be! Family gatherings we know will drive us crazy turn out to be uneventful or even pleasant. Phone calls we put off for months or even years because of the excruciating pain they will cause are not the big deal we thought they would be. Once made, decisions we dreaded and avoided improved our lives so much that we wondered what we were waiting for!
we adult children grow up wearing "doom glasses" everything we see is filtered through those dark lenses. How much of what we dread, fear, and run from is really more a figment of our imagination than fact? How much of our lives and energy do we spend on avoiding what does not yet exist and perhaps never will.""
....Things will be o.k. Gail one way or another. Hang in there. And keep posting. You and your sister are in my prayers..BIG HUGS.
