4luvoftrav --
When I first came here, I, too was taken aback by the honesty and straight forwardness of this board. Trust me, I have gotten angry myself when someone offered an opinion that I considered to be harsh or just not what I needed at the time. I don't think anyone wants to prove you wrong- I honestly think everyone here honestly wants you to be happy and for your A to seek recovery. Their concern is just based out of their own experience, strength and hope.
There is a good book I have heard people speak of, called "Getting Them Sober" and it largely talks about what to do once the alcoholic gets sober in terms of yourself. If you are up for it, I would definitely recommend Al-Anon, that has been my saving grace in times when I was trying so hard to control someone else and just felt incredibly helpless. You and your family are in my thoughts today.