Originally Posted by
4luvoftrav 
I just want to hear that he might get well and be okay. That maybe we really can have a happy, functional relationship. I am so afraid that this isn't going to work.
You are asking for advice and feedback from a group of people who are, or used to be, in your very same situation. These "been there" opinions are all very worthy, even if it's not what you want to hear.
Having said that, I can give you my OWN personal viewpoint as honestly as I can. Yes, he "might" get well and be okay. Yes, "maybe" you really can have a happy, functional relationship. That's the truth. I think it's excellent that he has asked for, and is seeking help. Admitting you have a problem and are powerless is the first and most difficult step. In fact, I always felt it was half the battle. Following through and staying sober is the war. This war is something he will be fighting for the rest of his life. But it IS possible.
By virtue of your close connection to him (as well as the fact that you grew up in an alcoholic home), you have been deeply affected by this disease... a casualty of war, so to speak. You may not recognize it, or think so, but you have.
If you want your relationship to work, then it would helpful if you assisted with his recovery. Step 1: You can do this by completely leaving him alone to work through this. I know you have a lot to say to him (I did), but say nothing. His recovery is all about him. I know you are afraid about the future. This is normal. Step 2: Since you have probably, up until now, been very wrapped up is HIS problems, this new approach will leave you with a lot of free time on your hands. Use this time wisely. Try some Alanon meetings, as others here have suggested. There, you will meet more of the "walking wounded" who are facing the same struggles as you are. They will give you the tools you need to deal with this disease and how it has affected you over the years. Embrace their teachings and their knowledge. You will come out of it a stronger, healthier person. And lastly, Step 3: Try to relax. You've got 3 beautiful children who love you and need you to be strong for them -- without all the drama and unhappiness that goes along with the alcoholism.
Your BF is starting a new beginning. Why don't you start one too.
And so... Be it ever so humble, that's my opinion.