Everyone, thank you... sincerely. As you can imagine I feel how I sound... hurt, confused, unsure, etc. so thank you for continuing to reply and not just writing me off.
QU31 - that is a great analogy... and this is not the first time I've seen someone say they need to hit rock bottom first. I've had a close friend tell me to leave and if that's not rock bottom enough for him I would be better off (she left her husband for 3 months and now has one of the best relationships I've ever seen... and yes he still drinks occasionally).
I think denny's right... I need to give Alanon a shot. And my bf needs to get started on first figuring out exactly what the problem is. If he realizes it is a dependency and his only option is to quit he will have to do so... otherwise he will lose me. I just hope I'm strong enough to walk away if it comes down to it.