Originally Posted by
Barbara52 
Controlled drinking is possible for someone who does not have an alcohol dependency or addiction. Only your BF can really judge whether he has that sort of a problem.
One thing I can say is that if someone's drinking is causing problems in their life or in relationship, there is a drinking problem. Only you can decide if your BF's drinking is causing you problems. And just as only the A can do anything about their problem, only those who live with or love an A can do something about the way we react to the drinking problem.
No one in here is going to tell you to give up. But we do try to focus on ourselves rather than the As in our lives. We all know we cannot change them. We change change ourselves and the way we react the the behaviors that cause us problems.
Thanks, I guess the key here is for him to figure out if it is a dependency or an addiction first and that's where I'm wondering if therapy will help.. if so are there therapists who specialize with this sort of thing or would any therapist do?
There is definitely a drinking problem because it does cause problems in our home, in our relationship... no matter how far and few between, it still happens and each time its the same argument. When it does happen it does cause me problems... and right now I am reacting to it with anger. You're right I do need to focus on myself more but I'm having a very difficult time of thinking of myself regardless of him because I've gotten so used to associating everything I think, do, see, etc with him.
acurea... you said he's lost already. Honestly I feel like I'm the one who's lost.