Hey Point, I think I put some (a lot) of my post in the wrong tense. Remember in the first paragraph, I mentioned marriage counselling. That was a couple years ago when we started (we're still going) and A LOT came out that was bitter and acrimonious at that time (it also followed a suicide attempt by me)
I won't say it got better right away, and it's not always great, but from that starting point, where I said everything to him that I did to you, LOL, I see him trying, truly trying. So, even when I'm angry or if he has spells of working too much (like right now; our business is seasonal and the season is pretty much over this weekend), he has made changes. For instance in that period of time since August 31, he's called me to meet him for lunch dates or walks during the day while the kids are at school, and he's made it home for family dinner more in the last few months than ever before.
As far as your wife's affair, if she did it not because she cared for the guy, but did it for other reasons such as lonliness, you should try to talk it out. Maybe it was the only way she could get your attention.
As far as the guy hanging around, I won't even go there!!!!lol