I am glad you got up the nerve to post here! I find it so helpful to get out my thoughts and read everyones wisdom. you are not alone, there are many like you. my experience is that kids are more resilient than we think..I do not think it is healthy for them to be raised in home where the parents do not show affection or love one another. They may grow up to think it is Ok to be treated like your husband treats you when he is drunk or trying to pick a fight. It is not right to have to stay away from your partner when they are home. I am not trying to tell you what to do, just my experience, as your kids get older they will want to invite friends over after school, but maybe they won't becouse they won't know if Dad will be in a good mood or not, and maybe embaress them by his moods or actions. My kids are 12 and 15. They just told me how sometimes thier friends (expecially the 15 yr olds) will comment on what an ass their stepdad seems like. Or their friends have figured it out that he is a druggie or alkie. I wish I had never put them through that...i didn't even realize how it affected thier social lives and confidence to bring people home with them. My house is a much happier place when my ABF is not here...sometimes it is happy when he is here but you just never know when that time will be. Just my 2 cents, my experience. Hope it helps!