greeteachday

HI - Welcome...I'm another mom whose 19 year old daughter was also an honor student, athlete, artist, show jumper, worked to cover her incidental expenses, on a scholarship etc. I was aware she smoked pot, but pretty oblivious beyond that. Things came tumbling down very, very quickly when what I found out later was occassional coke use then turned into someone suggesting if you like snorting, try snorting heroin.

I know now that I fell far too often for the stories similar to those you relayed - loosing her wallet, unexpected expenses for the animals, etc. I also know I did the best I could with what I knew. And as I read more about addiction, went to Naranon meetings and came here, I learned to say no. I helped with tuition when she went back to college after a semester off - I thought college was a good place to immerse herself and keep her away from using "friends." I don't regret that. I would not, however give her extra "luxury" money and I learned lots of ways to say no when my gut told me I was being manipulated.

I understand your desire to pay for his schooling...I think your conversation with your son was great...he has a problem with spending, whether due to drugs or being irresponsible with money, and he has to figure out a solution to how he can make it through the school year on a budget for necessities and occassional treats. Going through that much money in a matter of days isn't just occassional rewards; I don't think you should feel at all concerned about establishing some boundaries. Good for you to tell him he needs to come up with a plan. It took me quite awhile to realize I denied my kids the chance to grow from both their successes and failures when I did for them and cushioned their lives...Addiction or no addiction.

Keep reading and sharing- glad you've joined us. If you can make it to a few Naranon or Alanon meetings, I'm sure you will find them beneficial.