What you originally posted scares the daylights out of me. i live most of my life under the assumption that most people i come in contact with are essentially good and well intentioned so things like this are pretty shocking to me. i wish i could have a more objective and understanding response...i really do, but i've known too many guys who have torn my life and self-esteem to shreds and who couldn't even touch your intelligence level. So that amount of power and lack of empathy for what your actions do to others....is more frightening to me than any horror flick.
i'm glad you realize something is wrong and i truely do hope you find a way to get better.
jenna