We are mothers first and foremost and we love our kids!
I don't know what to say about college. Education is very important to me also and I don't know that I would "pull the plug". My son went one semester, quit and joined the military! He went to Iraq, did 6 years and is home w/ full custody of his daughter. My AD, that's another story!!
As intellilgent as he is, he knows what he is doing and the danger that goes along with it. It sounds like ya'll have a good relationship, you could try and talk to him, face to face, w/ boundries set.
I know from experience that they lie, and the worse my daughter got into drugs the more she lied. She followed every step in Chapter 8 of the big book! So for me to talk to her wasn't worth the time! I suspected for several month, thought it was a phase, etc. I had no idea how bad it had gotten so quickly.
She has tried them all, liked them all, and her counselor says she could be addicted to licking frogs! I realize now I will never understand and can't fix her, accepting that was hard. I love her, but don't help her unless there is proof she is moving forward.
Just be prepared for the lies, manipulation, and that little voice that says you know better. If it quacks like a duck, it usually is! I am new in recovery and just learning so much, but there are many wise folks here. I hear from my home group the same things that are on this forum. In my group, Overcomers, we have addicts, alcholics, etc w/ parents, siblings, etc. so I hear from them and learn from them. The addict doesn't think like a normal person, there main objective is the next drug! They are consumed with it. YOu know your son and if the changes fit. Read the sticky's they were an eye opener for me!
Glad you're here in our "family". There really are some great people here!
prayers,
susan