Thanks to everyone who has responded so far, your input is so welcome. I e-mailed him yesterday and pointed out (again) how much cash he's gone through in the last 7 weeks and asked what he has to show for it. The answer was pretty much "nothing" and an assurance that he would not continue to spend so recklessly. I replied that he needed to present us (his Dad and I are together) with a proposed budget along with how much he'd be spending on each thing. THEN the 3 of us would decide together how much of that would come from his earnings and how much if any would come from us. He agreed (what else can he do?) and said he'd get back with me next week. That's fine, but there'll be no money going into his account util we have this resolved. Right now he's got $40. left.
My biggest problem with this is the feeling that I do still need to provide for him. We've agreed to cover school expenses, housing, food and medical care. I've repeated this several times.
True to the nature of these problems he always finds ways around the rules. Ex. he "lost" his calc book and had to have money to purchase another one. I explained that I had paid for one book and in the future (always, always in the future it seems) I would not be repurchasing anything. I know what I'm dealing with, next time it'll be something else, his card was "stolen", he lost his id and had to eat out, he broke his glasses, etc.
It's just not possible for me to get out ahead of what he'll come up with. I remember vividly when he was 16 and started smoking cigarettes. I told him I couldn't stop him from smoking but that he would not smoke in my house. The next day I found him sitting in his open bedroom window. He said he thought it was ok because he wasn't "in" the house. So I "amended" the rule to include the yard. Always, Always, Always something. Can you tell I'm getting weary?
I have no delusions about this. He can and has supported his habits in the past without my money. And I know that he will in the future. I'm just trying to find the balance balance where I cover my committments and he takes responsibility for himself.