Selah-
I am so so sorry for your pain. Just yesterday I found myself overwhelmed with rage because addiction turns our loved ones into shells of human beings and also poisons us in the process.
I think I've said this before on here, but my abf, in talking with me one night said to me that it's an addict's job to lie. They live lies and can even convince themselves of these lies at times. I look back on so many days, nights when there were promises made, heartfelt, tearful apologies and confessions only to perpetuate the same lies and betrayal over and over again.
I still feel ill thinking about the Saturday morning group meetings we would attend and sit the room full of recovering addicts/alcoholics and their families and he would PRETEND he wasn't using. I look back on it and feel so foolish and anger and betrayal burn deep inside of me.
I am thinking of you today.