Layla, Sorry to hear what you are going thru. I, too, am going thru something similar with my AH. He was on the verge of losing his job yesterday, I am going to divorce him (and he knows that) so he calls me at work yesterday telling me they told him to go home and sleep it off type thing, says he lost his job and he lost me, he has nothing left, just remember that he loves me, etc. People at work (none of which deal w/A's, my sister, etc.) tell me to leave work, rush home, see if he's OK, etc. I stayed at work for an additional 4 hours, at which time everyone still is asking if I heard from him, I say no, everyone's like he's had 4 hours to kill himself, started making me think "yeah maybe..." so then I left. Where was he??? At home, sleeping. When he woke, he said he's tired, tired of worrying about everyone and everything, tired of meetings, tired of it all and wants it to end. Is that not the height of selfishness???? He's "tired of worrying, etc." What does he do or worry about other than to cause the needless worries and consequences that I must deal with, cause of course, today he didn't get fired. Everyone was so nice to him - can't ruffle the feathers of AH, he may go on another bender. It's called alcoholic manipulation and that's all it is. If they had suicide attempts and failed, it's cause they wanted it to look good. I may be wrong, but I'm real tired of the poor me pity thing they go on. If he chooses to kill himself, believe me, you didn't cause it, alcohol did. And they had a choice to continue to drink alcohol. So please don't beat yourself up for it. If you continue to be there for him, the more games will be played. I don't care, tonite I'm telling AH (who will be drunk, BTW cause he can't drink at work anymore since he was called on it and has to make up for those beers on his way home) that I'm gone. And if he chooses to kill himself, so be it. But I highly doubt it. Hugs to you, and don't let it get to you.