Heather, I really feel for you, and have been following the thread this morning.
I feel the same as you. You want to him to know that you're sympathetic and your heart goes out to him. But how do you do it without getting sucked back in? If he's like R, he'll use it as a tool. Won't he just cycle you through his life again? I wouldn't blame you for sending a card, though, to both him and the family.
You are facing the situation I know I will have to face at some point in the future. EVERY TIME, like you, I have said "he'll never call ME again" at some point I send an email or note that says "hope you're doing well", he'll call, and there it goes again. We are not cold, unfeeling people. We just don't want USED! Unfortunately that's the problem - the revenge is cold & hard when they cannot use us any longer or when our pressure to quit is too strong.