Its all a journey!!!! at least thats how I see it ...
I mean there I was at home .. trying to fix, rescue, save, my husband from drugs ... I journied down that path and walked along yelling, screaming, pleading, threatening all the way ... I had invested my happiness into my husband and he was failing me ... I repeatedly tried to control the situation, his addiction and his behavior over and over and over to the point of over-exhaustion .. I eventually became so sick and tired of living like I was living and it was then that I was willing and able admit that what I was doing all along hadn't, wasn't and isn't working .. I was open to try different things ... (it was then that I became aware that I had been enbling my husbands addiction and I was also codependent) now the I walked down the path of changing that behavior .. and that in itself was a long trip ... I fell many times and I learned to get up just as fast as I fell ... to not stay down and wallow in the mud ... a journey in itself LOL ... the further I walked the stronger I got .. and one day I found that I was able to stand on my own two feet quite well and I realized that my legs were strong enough to hold me up ... I left my ex and a few days later I found myself practically throwing myself at him .. almost begging him to take ME back (huh) ... there I was falling apart and he seemed to be calm, cool and collect ... (of course he was - HE WAS ON DOPE = desensitized) he basically gloated and chose to not be together and I was heartbroken ... I went home and tried to except that I had screwed up my marriage .. and a very good friend of mine reminded me that my husband was a sick man and helped me realize how twisted I was thinking ... and reminded me that addicts are skilled in the art of manipulation and helped me see how I was being manipulated into thinking that I ruined my marriage .. I regained my perspective .. (dusted myself off and journied on) it was at that point that when I wasn't chasing after my husband or calling him all the time .. he started wondering what the heck I was doing and he would call me .. make arrangements to come by and never show up ... of course I was hurt and upset in the beginning, but then that same friend reminded me that my husband had an addiction and that his first and foremost priority is to feed the addiction ... HE WAS an ADDICT and he was probably just doin' what addicts do = USING ... as I journied down each and every avenue .. I encountered a lot of pain ... made a lot of mistakes and learned so many valuable lessons ... 1st lesson I learned was "the one that is ready for change is the one that has to make the changes" 2nd lesson.. I couldn't do it alone (HP) 4th:was that each lesson was a journey in itself .. 5rd lesson was that I could dig my heels in all I wanted to but I was going to but I was going to learn the lesson REGARDLESS! 6th: I learned that I could live without my husband (I had always felt like I would die without him) actually I learned I was dying with him LOL .. 7th I learned that I deserved so much better than what I had settled for .. and 8th I learned to love and respect myself ... 9th I in turn became the mom my kids needed
= I was healthy, whole and happy
Always keep in focus the reason you started this journey in the first place ... Be gentle with yourself .. its a process
******{Hugs}}}})
Passion