I am new at this but was surprised at how quickly I embraced it! I guess I was so tired of the stress and anxiety of carrying it all. As I have posted recently I have a 22 year old AS who is in another state waiting for a trial on marijuana delivery. But I haven't shared that I also have a husband who is addicted to his depression. He shows all the signs that I recognize now, as my son does.( Or better yet, I showed all the same co-dependant signs) He is in denial, refuses to get help, has sunk so low in his depression and withdrew emotionally and physically from me for periods of time that ranged from days to weeks and then months. It had gotten progressively worse not better. I realized I had been his "cure" for far to long. I covered for him with friends, made excuses for his episodes, was always there when he "came-back" emotionally. I made it easy for him to not deal with his problem. I found this site and Al-anon at the same time about 2 months ago. I was recently separated from my husband, kicked my son out, and through counciling was beginning to understand I had better fix myself or nothing in my life was going to change. I felt comfort in the first two steps because I could visualize handing my son and husband off the Gods hands and this brought me so much peace. I was amazed and so happy! I found a place where people were like me and were thriving! It was so easy for me to embrace it. I was on the road to a quick recovery!!
Then BAMM!!!
It feels like its all coming back. My husband is inching his way back into my life, and my son is calling and touching my heart. The problem is nothing has changed for either one. Husband says he accepts he has a problem but thinks he can fight it himself( umhum). Son doesn't think he has a problem. Nothing has changed so. . .Where did that peace go? Why am I thinking about them again? How/When did I let my husband start tugging on my heart? Why is my son's problem hurting so much again? Why did the fact that my husband called and said he thinks he is going to get help fill me with hope? ( God keep me off that rollercoaster please!) I thought I was passed that!!!! Why when my son calls do I think I can reach him again? ARGGGGGG!!! I want my serenity back!! Even if it was just a small chunk. And I KNOW I have to work on that!!
And i know now its going to be HARD!! Harder than I thought. I guess I needed to vent.
Thanks.