I feel that Jesus is still alive and well. Jesus will still do what he is going to do. We do not have to be Jesus. He can be himself.
Lolly,
I knew my father was dying soon before he died. I did all my grieving before he died. The one thing that was important to me is to do what made me feel ok.
If you really feel that your father is going to die, then do whatever will bring you peace when and if he dies. What do you need to do? Maybe you could visit for 15 minutes at a time and set boundaries that enable you to live comfortably, but at the same time enable you to have peace if your father dies.
I didn't see my father for 2 months before he died. A little voice told me to go visit. He died the next morning. I would have felt really bad if I hadn't visited him.
I did so much grieving before he died that I only cried one day after his death. Grieving is ok.
Hugs,
MG