Originally Posted by
catecicc 
God, I want to just be evil and tell him, I don’t want to go because I am afraid that you’re going to slip and I don’t want to be there to see it. Is that wrong? My only fear is that I’m just going to sit at home and worry until he comes home. Part of me wants to go, see if he does it at least that way I just get the disappointment over with
Being someone who was once an active addict .. I have to say this with the intent and hope that I can shed some light on how powerful words are ...
As I read the above (as a recovering addict) I see a woman who is afraid that her man is going to blow his recovery because he will be in a slippery place. She is afraid that he will use and she doesn't want to be there to watch her hopes and dreams crumble yet again .. right before her eyes.
Now from the addicts perspective .. This is what the addict hears
Hmmmm, shes afraid that I will use... she is even expecting me to use and has prepared herself in case I do use. I've got an eticket to use .. after all she figures I'm gonna anyway. To the addict this is as good as if you gave them permission to use. The addict will use and then turn around and say something like "its your fault I used .. you didn't have faith in me anyway" Figured I might as well get high .. you don't believe in me" and the addict will even go so far as to say, "you wanted me to fail .. I think you wanted me to use just so you could leave me."
My only fear is that I’m just going to sit at home and worry until he comes home. Part of me wants to go, see if he does it at least that way I just get the disappointment over with
Please know that I'm not trying to pick your post apart by any means .. I just want to mirror how fear can be sensed by the addict and used to use.
Are there consequences he will face if he so chooses to use tonight? Does he have anything to lose? Have you established any boundaries with him?
The fear is on the wrong persons shoulders .. You shouldn't have to feel so afraid .. He should be the one afraid .. Clearly defined boundaries with consequences to follow if he uses would bring relief to you and put the weight of his addiction on his shoulders not yours ...
This is HIS addiction .. He has to fight it .. Losing sleep by worrying, wondering and waiting for him to come home isn't good for you or healthy ...
I used to find myself babysitting my ex just so he wouldn't use .. but it only delayed the enevitable .. he used anyway when I wasn't looking ... and you can't let fear of him using dictate your life or you're going to end up beat up from the feet up, tore up from the floor up and needing a checkup from the neck up .. IT WILL MAKE YOU CRAZY and besides that it is too damn time consuming ...
Tonight if you want to go because you'd like too and you think you'd have a good time .. then I'd go, but if him possibly using is the motivator here then it would be more benefical to you to do something YOU'D enjoy instead.
********{hugs}}}}}}
Passion