Lolly:
I don't think people with a heart and a mind ever truly walk away.... iam sure there are some people that can do that - but they must havve a deep dark basement with suchy tight security in order for the feelings never to come out again.... to me that is unhealthy....
i instead find a special warm loving place in my heart for those people who are not in my life - both physically and emotionally and i put all the emotions there and dealwith the emotions as they come....
right now you know your dad is drinking and that this might be the last time for him... that is indeed a very sad thing and anawful time for you..... what it sounds like is you are already starting the grieving process for him... all thye emotions we go through are beneficial for one reason or antoher.... i don't have any real answers except - try not to shut off the emotions, no matter how hard they maybe - that will only cause probelms further down the line....
We will all say prayers for your dad thatsomething clicks so he does stop - but if this is his chosen path - then the best thing you cando is make sure you take care of you....
I hope the day gets better....
Love
Ogly