ok, I just figured out worry and guilt.
Worry is an old survival method for me like hope was. When I was young, worry was the only control I had. And guilt because I couldn't do anything about the situation. How could I, I was to young. So I am replaying my old survival methods of control. These are unhealthy survival methods.
I need to give them up just like I gave up hope. It's a control issue to keep myself alive or someone else alive.
MG