I know what you mean MG and Ogly.
I tend to worry about my son too, even when he is in recovery...but have to practice giving it back to God. We know that we are Powerless, but have to practice what we preach (I just posted a "Think Positive and Live" on Nar-anon....so I better practice my own advice, right?) And it does help, a lot!!
MG, I believe that any step they take towards recovery is positive. My son has tried many things, detox, 9 programs, aftercare (when he sticks to it), and meetings. He still relapses, but not as often, not as hard, and not as long as he used to. He has the tools.
Funny, yesterday he went with me about 2 hours out of town to buy a quilt made by the Mennonites, for a shower gift today. It was a beautiful day, and we had a really nice drive through the country and talked a lot..something we haven't done lately. He was discussing his recovery and said to me "You know, if I use I would have to go back to jail" (he got a conditional discharge with probation and has to urine test twice a week). "And that isn't going to happen" he said. I thought "If it was only that simple", but also realized that even his one night in jail was a significant part of his journey and therefore positive. He is now also doing all the good things...sponsor, meeting, counselling, etc. So you see, none of his recovery has anything to do with me or what I did or didn't do. He found his own way, by the grace of God (and not me).
Will he die? I hope and pray not for a long long time. But it will be God's time, not my time. All I can do is love him, and loving him best means doing my recovery and praying for his.
Hugs