Ok, First of all Heather, consider this a loving dope slap,,,
Don't EVER apoligize for posting,,,
i haven't been around much, but the spirits (hp) work in strange and wonderous ways. Came in today and besides some emails, YOURS was the first post I read.
Brought me back. And helped me remember. I need to thank you for that.
I felt EXCATLY the same way. In fact, it used to frost my arse that some people here could detach and stay with their A's. or had the "reason" of children or shared finances to continue contact. Put me on the poor me pity pot till I got a ring around my arse,,he,he,he,, And yup, doing the same thing, "working" my program, using ALL the support systems available to me, and yet I still felt like CRAP. All I wanted was for it to be the same as before. When I was blissfully happy (sometimes) and yup, painfully miserable at others. Boy,,life was full of ADVENTURE then,,,hahahahahahaha
I'm laughing, but its the cold sobering truth.
H.A.L.T.
Hungry, angry, LONELY and tired
When I got either of these, a combination of these, or ALL of these, I would long for the days of life with my A
Because truth be told, I didn't have to deal with any of them on my own when I was with him. HE was the reason I was all of them don't ya know. I didn't have to take responsibility for ANY of it
It sucks being honest with yourself
Yup, I remember, "doing" all the things suggested when I would miss him, want him back, or almost succum to breaking my own boundary's. No matter HOW busy I kept myself, I would slip back into the abyss. And it would all come down to, "why doesn't he SEE what he did to me?!?!?!" And freakin apoligize and grovel his way back into my good graces?!?!?
What would I get out of that? I'll tell ya, SATISFACTION and VALIDATION. Then I would probably DUMP his butt. Cause like you, it probably wouldn't have lasted ANYWAY. We were polar opposites. The only thing I found attractive about him was his need to be saved.
Again, COLD HARD truth.
For the last few months, I have been looking to validate and satisfy myself. The fact thatI can put all my warts on here for the WORLD to see proves that. Before I would have hid it, and continued to BLAME him for my troubles. Asking the question WHY do i feel like this,,,QUACK<QUACK<QUACK< oh poor me, don't ya all feel bad?!?!?!?
ATTENTION
I for one need tons of it. I beleive my disease dictates I choose the negative over the positive. Figuring out how to relearn will take work
Progress not perfection
And as I said before, You sweet girl are making progress. Be kind to yourself,,,
Peace