I'm tomorrow is two weeks free from alcohol and benzos and I too had a nightmare this morning. It seems I'm still detoxing from benzos though I'm feeling better some days at some times.
Anyway, I dreamed a serial killer attacked my son's birthday party at his school (his 11th bday was 9/21) and killed half the kids. Then the serial killer attacked an AA meeting at the school later that night or the next day. My son and I were witnesses to the attacks and the serial killer was hunting my family - me, my husband and both sons. We ran and tried to hide. I woke up before anything further happened.
It was very scary and the first nightmare that I remember since I quit. I think the serial killer symbolizes my addiction. I never want to go back. So far, I have not attended any meetings other than online meetings and lurking on SR. I'm afraid I don't have time for daily f2f meetings because I'm self-employed and I travel for work. A church down the street has Celebrate Recovery meetings on Monday nights and I plan to attend tomorrow night and see how it is. Another church nearby has meetings on Friday nights. My church is a large church and they don't have any addiction services, meetings, or support groups at this time.
Mainly I feel lonely through this time and it's a little depressing. I don't have many friends other than family and clients. I have long-term friends but they live in the next towns over and are busy with their families, etc. As I frequently am.
I haven't had cravings for alcohol so far, probably because I've been so weak. Hard to do much of anything but I do the necessities. The amount of work/chores I can handle varies on any given day. I think the withdrawal symptoms are mainly from the benzos from what I have read.
I'm thinking of seeing a counselor too to help with anxiety looking for someone who does cognitive behavioral therapy. Deep breathing and ABCs (from SMART Recovery) seems to help with anxious moments and I have eliminated many of the stressors I used to have.
I also plan to start exercising at the Y again. I will start slowly in one week. I've been taking walks and am ready to move on to the next level.
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. The hangovers are over. Now if I can just get through the withdrawal and get back to my normal energy levels.
SR has been a godsend to me. I found it early after my last drink and benzo and have been lurking for a week and a half. I finally decided to post a couple of days ago.
Thank you, SR people.