I still consider my AH an active A even though he scratched the surface of denial by admitting he has a "drinking problem" and is an abusive jerk when he's drunk. I know he doesn't want to be like that and hates himself for it. I know he doesn't want to lose US. Thing is he can't admit he's an alcoholic and still thinks he can control it and still have a few like non A's watching a game, or out with friends. In just two weeks he went from "I'm quitting drinking and will do what it takes," to "you'll never see me drunk again." Yea right. He had a few last night bowling with the boys, and a beer tonight. I figure he'll be in full swing again by next weekend if not sooner. So where does that leave me? I'm still with an active A that can't walk the talk.
I've resigned myself to preparing for the future on my own because I can't take living with an Active A anymore, but I never considered what I felt and thought from the perspective of living with a recovering A. Most people here say not to go back to an A until at least one or two years of sobriety, but what if you haven't actually separated yet and the A tells you he decided to quit and do recovery?
From what I'm seeing posted, most of these A's including my AH, seem to do a deluded half attempt at quitting. imo It being just another twist and turn on the active A rollercoaster ride. Or is this a step, or stage they go through trying to get up courage to face their denial? I just don't want to be fooled, used and manipulated by a bunch of active A false talk about quitting one minute and drunk the next.
Just watching my life these past two weeks I can't see how our relationship can survive a fresh recovery attempt without a separation period and I'm afraid I'm one that once we're separated I don't think I'd go back. Maybe I'm just too burned out, no more trust left to give, too far detached emotionally and mentally. Maybe too tired of it all.