I hear what you are saying BigSis,about focusing on my recovery and I agree. But I am recovering and the other person is going backward. It's hard to stand by and not "feel" anything about that. It's scary.
I am focusing on my recovery. I am not telling him he isn't doing it right. I keep my mouth shut. I haven't asked him if he is going to meetings. I haven't preached to him. I haven't said one word about him picking up a drink the past two nights. It doesn't mean I don't feel anything about it. It doesn't mean I wouldn't like to say something, but I won't because I know enough now to know it doesn't matter what I say, especially to a person who is sick. I know from going to AA meetings that it doesn't work if you don't work it. That's fact. I know that by drinking and not going to meetings, he's not working a program. That's not okay with me. Maybe that is part of my conditions to stay in this relationship. I haven't come to that conclusion yet.
I also know that setting an example can work and I agree with you. I believe that's how he started going to AA to begin with and that is why I haven't given up working the program myself. I will keep on attending for the rest of my life whether I am with this man or not. I got here somehow and I don't need to ever get here again. I can apply this program to many people in my life and hopefully will instill some of what I'm learning in my children.
Jenny