I was once there too......
I remember when I was you, and I came here...
I'd like to tell you something...
If I could share something about recovery from my personal experience, I'd be delighted if it could help at least one individual.
Please keep in mind that Ive siad that what I want to share is from my recovering experience, I am not recovered. If any one of us truly ever recovers or looses that part of themselves is another topic, but i believe it always has been and always will be a part of us. The recovery happens in the realization and actualization of *different choices*
By all means, i am not trying to tell people how to recover, but to take something good from my example.
Our disease is of a complicated nature. The most important aspect of the recovery process, at this stage of my life, for me has been the ability to recognize that the story doesnt have a beginning middle and ending. By this I mean to say that you never "catch" this disease like a cold, and you never wake up magically cured the next day, year or decade. It is a simple thought, that can relate to our lives, a relationship, or any experience that we have. As the cliche goes, life is not so much about the destination as it is about the journey.
In the journey of recovery, each moment has to be lived, not abandoned. In the first few weeks of my recovery, I remember feeling happy when I actually felt pain. Ironically, the happiness of being abole to feel again overrode the pain. This doesn't last, the pain gets worse, but that moment leaves a lasting impression on you for the positive. Same goes for the first time you experience joy and pleasure while sober. It pains me to realize ive let 7 years of my life be filled with my own created pain. If I felt pain and numbed myself by the drug, as many of you know its only made it more painful in the long run. Please understand that ive been there and know how hard it is tgo give up in those moments even when we know the truth. True freedom comes after you accept your past, make peace AND TRY NOT TO LOOK BACK. Afterwards, recovery takes up every millisecond of our lives. It is in this process that true acceptance is needed of our lives. We must trst that this is what is meant to happen to us, and that we are the only ones who can smile or frown upon it. It does not mean suppressiuon of thoughts , but rather being able to take a step back and suspend judgement of our thoughts. Instead of being your thoughts just think them and let them pass ythrough you, and learn something baout yourself from them. There is usually a very good reason for eveyr thought which creates our feelings. They can help you change your life for the better, and take control of things which you thought oyu never had the ability to control before. Thoughts are part of our nature. You are normal, and should at least respect, if not love yourself.
Good luck. I hope someone understands...
Smile.
Live. Love. Laugh
-DP