Amen, sister. I used to not only believe that when my son found recovery, as he did many times (just couldn't hang on to it)...that somehow "I" had succeeded, that he had finally listened to "me" and decided to get clean. Maybe that's why he didn't stay clean for so many tries, it was about people pleasing and not about serious recovery from addiction.
Today I stand by the motto, begun by Ogly and handed down to us...."Hands Off the Addict, Hands Off Their Recovery Too."
So move over, Cat, I'm sharing your couch of enlightenment for a while. I never thought much about this, but you really hit the nail on the head for me.
Hugs