Dear Lucy,
I can feel the pain. I have also felt stuck in a what I felt to be a hopeless situation. You need boundaries. That you are French and he Australian has nothing to do with it. No one should tolerate abuse.
Originally Posted by
Lucy06 
...over the past 9 years, there have been numerous "crisis", when AH was physically abusive (that stopped 5 years ago), verbally and emotionally abusive and totally irrational. In between crisis which happen after binge drinking, there is a build up phase where drinking increases (and pot smoking) and always end up the same way.
If he's been abusive, it's not going to get better. This is a progressive disease that only gets worse as long as he continues to drink/use.
Originally Posted by
Lucy06 ... The fact that he verbally abused my mum, emotionally abused the kids and verbally abused me in front of my whole family, did it for me. I decided to leave him, especially now that he has resumed his drinking after promising he would quit.
Is it acceptable to you that he verbally abused your mum and emotionally abused the kids and verbally abuse you in front of your whole family? What can you accept? What crosses the line for you? If he has crossed the line, you need to take care of yourself and your family.
Originally Posted by
Lucy06 ... he keeps saying that, yes he drinks, but I should not judge him by the number of beers he drinks but by his behavior. And he is obviously trying very hard to prove me that there is nothing wrong with his behavior at all and that I am the one who's got a problem.
He's right. You do have a problem. You allow this man to abuse you and your family. He's right. It is his abusive behavior that is the problem. The next time he gets abusive, I would take the kids and your mum and leave the house and go to a friend's house.
Originally Posted by
Lucy06 ...when drunk, he says stupid obnixious things in front of the kids, or that what he tells the kids in not appropriate,.... that because I am french and he is australian, I am a snob who doesn't see the humour in what he does.
You must not accept inappropriate behavior. You're setting the example to your kids, if you accept his abuse. You are showing them that you are weaker than he is and that it's ok to live with this type of behavior. Is that what you want? The role of a parent is to teach their children what is appropriate and what is not appropriate. If your husband is incapable of teaching them this, then, it's up to you.
Originally Posted by
Lucy06 ... my 6 years old son came to me crying and saying that his dad had put his "bottom" in front of his face and farted.
Your son needs protection. If you keep allowing this man to mistreat your children, it will only get worse.
Originally Posted by
Lucy06 ...When my AH heard my son crying and telling me this, he told him "what a f...g pansie you are".
That's simply awful, and I would have left the house with the children at that moment and not looked back. This was incredibly abusive.
Originally Posted by
Lucy06 One thing I am sure. I am not happy. and I want out so badly.
What are your options?
Just know there is a way out. Take care of yourself. There is nothing wrong with your sense of humor! I think what he did was sick.
Big hug! We're here for you!
Mamaplus2kids