Who was I kidding?
Hello Everyone.
This is my first post although I have been reading everyone else's posts here for a few days. I can't believe how much my eyes have been opened for the first time regarding my AH's problem. I have been living in complete denial about this issue for 21 years but I have finally seen the light through the complete fog that my life has become.
I have related to so much of what I have read and am beginning to see that I do not have to tolerate this behaviour and that despite all his protests to the contrary he is not in control of his problem and it will only be a matter of time before there is 'another' incident caused by his drinking. Over the years I have experienced it all. The put-downs, the tantrums, the walking-out when I dare to put forward an ultimatum, the inapproprate remarks made in front of the children, waiting up until 4am for him to stagger in drunk, the ruined holidays, having him fawn over the neighbours 16 year old daughter at a party, etc. I am expecting some fireworks in the next couple of days as I begin to change MY patterns of behaviour such as not drinking with him and finding things to do for myself for a change instead of making him and his feelings the priority.
My AH admitted he had a problem back in March/April after a major upheaval in our marriage and went to ONE AA meeting. He then decided he was cured and went on a major fitness kick. Lost a lot of weight and made all the right noises about being strong and in control of his drinking. And to all and sundry he has appeared to be just that. Although he originally stayed alcohol free for a while, he then convinced himself that he could have a glass of wine with dinner. I don't need to tell any of you the rest of the story - one glass became two, etc. He also comes home from work smelling of alcohol and avoids giving me a kiss thinking I will smell it.
One major event in the past week has led me here. It managed to shock me to the core. Unbeknown to him I saw him in the kitchen after he thought I had gone to bed upending an empty wine bottle to drink the last remaining drops. Clearly not the actions of someone who has their drinking under control!
Anyway that is enough for now. Thanks again for all your posts. It is so encouraging to know I am not the only one going through all of this and it gives me courage to make the changes in my life that are long overdue.