I guess the way I try to make sense out of something that is virtually impossible to make sense out of is to know that in my case my exah was doing the best that he could at the time. I had to understand that he had a disease and that the only thing he could focus on was his fix. That is the power of alcoholism, everything else falls to the wayside and they go for the one thing that will numb them out and help them to not feel destroying things in their path. I tried to sort it out in my head and make sense of it but I have realized that gets me no where except ramped up so I quit that. I chose to worry about me and investing time and emotion and heart in things that I can affect....ME! There are choices and consequences. I guess the biggest thing I am trying to say is that they are sick and leave it at that. I know it is hard. When you are done, you will be done and focus on your recovery.