Co Dependent No More
Beyond Codendency
Language of Letting Go (I think my favorite only after reading and understanding the first two)
Playing It By Heart (good background on where the author came from)
The above are all by Melody Beattie
Also, in my particular case, the following book was invaluable to me, as domestic violence was the MOST CRITICAL issue I had to deal with, his alcoholism was second:
Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men by Lundy Bancroft
To be honest, Alanon literature was my first step, and I was grateful for it at the time, but I really, really needed to concentrate on the last book mentioned. Perhaps that's why I didn't find the Alanon meetings to give me what I truly needed. However, I do recommend that everyone give Alanon a good try, and, I did! I must have gone to over 20 meetings.