I just read your thread here and let me just say
I hope you won't put yourself in the position
of learning the hard way
what so many before you have already gone through
our experience is knocking
trying to reach you by phone
saying your chances of doing this thing
long-term, all on your own
by the sheer strength of your will
it's just slightly over nil
I would be seriously getting my @ss to some AA meetings if I were you. You are in a very precarious phase right now, and you need some in-person support from people who understand. That's just my personal opinion...