Same old lines
Someone recently posted about how their ex would call once in a while to check up, say hi. My xabf does this too. Calls once a week or so just to "check in" He got kicked out of the place he was staying and according to him is doing side jobs here and there, is homeless, but still drinking once in a while. He called me tonight from a payphone to say the same old thing. He missed me, he loves me, he needs me. Do I love him? And the kicker. "I don't think I need treatment, but if YOU think I do, then YOU find a place for me and I'll go. I'll do Anything to get you back. I don't want alcohol anymore." (yet earlier in the conversation he said that if he had money he probably would be drinking cuz he's depressed over his life). No matter how far along I have come, I still cannot believe the things his says. I cannot believe that this man doesn't think he has a problem, that he cannot make the connection between his life and drinking. Oh sure, when I point it out to him ( I know, wrong move) he says yes, he says alcohol has caused alot of problems over his whole life, but not this time because right now he's not drinking (only due to having no money). and I'm sure his "right now" is at that precise moment or that day.
He kept saying the same thing over and over. I want you back, tell me what I have to do, I'll quit drinking, this time is it. Then he starts with you know I treat you good. I was like oh, you mean when you lie to me, call me names when "I make you mad".
At least now, finally, I recognize it for what it is - manipulation. I know he may never quit drinking. And I do think he feels love in his way, but he still places conditions on quitting - if you do this, then I'll quit. Despite jails, hospitals, homeless, jobless etc. He still drinks.
I'm so glad I'm not going down that road anymore. Saying hmm, maybe if I go back with him, or if I stick by him he'll stop. Doesn't work that way. The 3 C's all the way!
I'm looking out for myself. My issues. My life. Things I need to work on. And it feels good to be doing that. Of course I hope he gets help someday, I still do miss what he could be and the man I knew during the brief stints of not drinking. But no way will I put myself in the position I was in before with him. I'm letting him live his life - it's his choice to keep drinking and his life no matter how it is.
brdlvr