This was written by Jon, the wonderful man who started Sober Recovery. You can read this and more in a "sticky" at the top of the Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - it's called What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior.
You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them.
You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction.
I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered a sociopath. I have no empathy for you or anyone else.
It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.