I blacked out again last night and I feel like **** again today.
I have no idea what I did, but I am embarrassed to be me right now.
At this moment. Right now. I don't want to drink anymore.
This scares me a little. I don't think I can devote myself to something like that.
At the same time I feel lighter knowing I don't have the desire to drink anymore.
I'm tired of this worthless behavior and wasting my life.
I'm still confused as to whether this is an addiction, or a way for me to hurt myself.
Saying it is an addiction makes me feel hopeless. Saying it is a way for me to hurt myself makes me feel stronger, but more ridiculous.
Either way, the way I feel right now makes me question why I insist on keeping drinking and I can't figure an answer.