Hi On Fire,
I used to feel exactly like you did and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Other people seemed to be happy, but it always eluded me. It turned out I needed to be on medication for depression. I have a chemical imbalance that needed to be straightened out. Maybe you should talk to your dr.
Also, please know that living a sober life brings many rewards and so much joy. I personally, believe that we are here on earth, living this life, in order to learn what we need to learn.