I can't deal with both my illness and his....
My bf of 7 years was in recovery until a back injury brought pain pills back into his life. He stopped taking them after getting a shot of cortisone, which was in February. Then pot came into his life again which then lead to a few nights of cocaine use now back to using pain pills again or abusing pain pills. The excuses, the stories, everything but anything towards him wanting to recover again. He thinks if he just keeps to smoking pot once in a while, which is now an everyday accurance that everything will be alright.
He justifies his use by saying he goes to work everyday, pays his bills so what’s the big deal as long as he doesn’t do those other things.
A month ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer, early stage and am going into the hospital next week for a lumpectomy followed by radiation treatments. When I discovered the lump I told him I could not deal with both my illness and his. He assured me things would be ok he would not cause problem and he would get things under control.
In this past month he has been throw off a job site due to his anger issues and asked to take a week off to cool down, he may not even have a job next week. He of course found work for this week so he continues to justify that drugs are not the issue. We were asked to a picnic where he drank beer, many of them, he hasn’t drank in years except for a few times which again caused nothing but trouble in his life. A few weeks ago he was not acting right and I discovered his use of pain pills again, he of course told me it was a one time thing because his back is hurting him so badly. The other night he had to run out to meet a friend and would return shortly, 3 hours later he came home all pissed off because the amount of pot he was going to purchase turned out to be only half of what he was expecting. Then at 1:30 in the middle of night he got a phone call, had to run out again and was gone for several hours. Last night he again had to run out quickly to meet a friend and would be right back. That was at 7:45 PM and by 11:00 when he was not home yet by 11 I packed my things and left.
Of course I get a phone call at 1:15 last night where he stated in his message to me that it was 12 midnight and he doesn’t know why I left and that this should be what ends our relationship. He’s called 3 times already today in panic mode wanting to talk it all out after I get out of work today that I am of course over reacting.
I want out I want away from his addiction and all that comes with it. I want to be strong to care for myself and get well and live a happy life. Help me be strong and stay away from his active addiction.
His selfishness through out all this keeps me angry and in a place where I will stay away from him and focus on just me. He doesn’t seem to understand how he’s selfish, after all he goes to work everyday and pays the bills!!!! Please help me be strong I can’t deal with it all.