Your drinking will get much worse if you do not find a way to arrest it now. With all the things that are wrong in your life the last thing you need is to develop a drinking problem. If you are unable to stop drinking on your own I suggest you try attending a few AA meetings.
I suspect that your drinking is merely a symptom of the much deeper emotional issues in your life. My own drinking was like that. I understand that now.
You obviously still believe the lies you were told when you were a child. You are not less than your children or anyone else on the planet.
Although I drank alcoholically for nearly twenty years it was through my understanding of my codependent tendencies and my ACOA past that I have found the greatest recovery.
You have already made a start by identifying some characteristics about yourself. Knowing is the first step towards the process of change........and you can change.
Learn as much as you can about codependency. Attend a coda meeting if you can. If none is available try locating an ACOA meeting. Buy books and read up about the subject. If you can manage it get a professional counselor. Keep posting here.
You deserve a better life and you do not have to be a prisoner of your past.
Let go of the guilt. Feeling angry about things that were done to you is nothing to feel ashamed or guilty.
Please stay in touch and let us know how you are. Although I will never meet you my greatest wish for you is that you find peace and a little happiness in your lifetime.